At the moment I’m in Switzerland, training mogul skiing, but exactly one year ago; 21st of October 2010 I was in hospital, I was going through the scariest and hardest thing in my life…! And that’s why I haven’t updated my blog for very long time…
Let’s get back in time; in June 2010 I went to aurist to fix a problem in my ears, my ears get locked very often and that disturbed my trainings and normal life quite much. Aurist searched problems from my ears and ear canals, and then wanted to take a MRI to see if there are some structural problems.
Later I got a phone call from the hospital about the MRI, they didn’t found any structural problems from my ears but they had found something else, much worse than that; the scariest time of my life started – there was an 11mm tumor (cyst) inside my brains!! The good thing is that it wasn’t cancer and shouldn’t be renewable. I know how horrible cancer can be, because my dear father lost the long and painful battle against cancer in 2006 (just before I turned 18).
I met the neurosurgeon and he told me about the upcoming surgery and the schedule. They had to go very deep inside my brains to take it off… They will do a small hole into my forehead top and operates through a tunnel inside my brains (It was way too much to hear and I almost get unconscious and nearly throw up when I heard it), he showed those MRI-pictures of my brains where the tumor was clearly visible and showed how they will dig through my brains. Because of the large size and the place that was, it had to be removed! It was obstructing brain liquid circuit and could stop it completely. That means pressure in brains and could cause me death. In this part I was way more stressed and scared… I was told that the amount of surgeries like this they do yearly (in Finland) can be counted with just one hand fingers… and they can’t really give me estimations of succeeding. That was too hard for me to accept, I didn’t get that part (luckily) and I was able to stay “normal” until the surgery. I continued my works and didn’t think about the upcoming surgery all the time. But of course it was there in my mind, I wasn’t sure what kind of life I can have after the surgery or do I have it at all?? Do I remember my fiancé, my family, can I talk or is everything from my life cleared from my memory? Lots of questions, thoughts and stress, but I wanted to stay strong and believed that they can do it and I could continue my life, normally.
First surgery, the failed one – 21st of October 2010
I didn’t sleep that well my last night at home, I went to Töölö’s hospital in Helsinki. First there was blood test, then I went to ward. I met the team that will do the surgery, and then I get into anesthesia. Next thing I remember is waking after the surgery, neurosurgeon shocked me by telling that the operation had failed and second surgery was ahead, got another blackout. The next thing I remember was the second waking with my fiancée next to me and insane headache not from this planet… just a moment later I throw up (I heard it was literally poison green) and soon fall asleep again for quite long time.
There were difficulties in that operation and one brain blood vessel got stuck, causing cerebral infarction. That caused serious problems to me and my mind; my body balance and sense of touch from the whole left side of my body was lost. My fiancée kissed me on the cheek and I didn’t feel that, sense of touch was missing. I felt quite fucked up as my head felt like it was shot by a shotgun and my hands didn’t work so well! I tried to drink a glass of water (mouth was dried by the medical ventilator), I picked it up with my left hand and wanted to drink it with my right hand, but it was way too difficult for my left hand to let it to my right hand, so my hands get stuck together. At later time I was just lying on my bed, changed my legs position and scared what extra is in my bed. At first I didn’t realize it was my leg that touched the other… later I just laughed about that funny incident, but it was really weird that you don’t feel your other side of the body at all.
Second surgery, the succeeded one – 25th of October 2010
Second operation was done by another specialist, who is probably the best neurosurgeon in the world. After the operation I felt a lot better and I was able to sit on my bed and didn’t felt so sick and painful. I was told that the operation succeeded and that was quite a relief!!
Soon after I started to get rehabilitation, easy moving and walking at first. I felt so good that I already started to tease nurses about how bad my balance was and they were scared of course ;) Well for good reason, my walking was so unstable it looked like I was drunk and if I looked to side while walking – I crashed.
I just eat painkillers all the time and not that much food, because it really didn’t taste that good in that condition and in those drugs. After one and half week in hospital I was allowed to go home, finally! Just had crazy headache because lying on the bed all that time made my neck so stiff and that caused migraine. During the time in hospital I loose 6kg of weight (from 73kg to 67kg).
At home at last! – 29th of October 2010
I was so happy to get back home!! Healing started to go really well, got my neck relaxed and the migraine gone away. It was so much better to be at home! My dear fiancée and our families were the best support I could ever wish and can never thank enough! They were so strong and supportive! “Maybe you need that really deep moment in your life to really understand how important they are to you…”
First few weeks I had “baby sitters” to watch my back and to help me in everything. I still took lots of painkillers and had to be very careful in everything – wasn’t allowed to lift anything (1kg was too much). Time went forward so did my recovering…
To be continued in part II….
